BFF

My best friend, Krista, sent me a hilarious card recently. On the front is a very enthusiastic high-kicking, big-haired, slightly 80's looking teen girl. It says, "When I'm President, I'm gonna settle all disputes with a dance-off." Inside it says, "You're gonna be Vice President, so work on your moves." If you saw me 'shake it' this would be especially funny for you...

The words "best friend" just roll off the tongue. A bit juvenile for a woman in her late 30's but I don't really care. They best describe that relationship in my life. I've had several best friends in my life. My first was Beth. I met her as a new student in a new school in a new town half-way through kindergarten. I cried every day and was terribly homesick and needy. I needed a friend. She was absolutely beautiful. Her mom was 100% Swedish, tall with long blond hair and lush looks and her father was a native of India, short and brilliant. Beth was a perfect combination of the two. I envied her beautiful skin and long dark hair. We played house and school and scared ourselves silly when her folks left us alone one night. We both went to different schools for the third grade and we drifted apart.

Then there was Dawn. She was my grade school friend, the one who I started high school with. She grew up in a Mennonite family and had little posters of kitties and puppies on her walls that she had ordered from Scholastic books. But, don't be deceived by her portrayed naivete...she was a rebel. She and I stayed up late watching "Friday Night Videos" before there was MTV. She was my first friend to french kiss a boy and she demonstrated for me on pillows, mirrors, walls, anything that would hold still long enough.

I kind of cheated on Dawn with Jennifer, (Chinese pig latin pronunciation: Jong.E.Nong.Nong.I.Fong.E.Rong). She was another beautiful girl. And very dominating. She demanded loyalty and constant companionship and there was no room for argument. She was pushy. Her father was a chocolate salesman so she came by it honestly, I guess. Her mom was beautiful too, although anal retentive to the max. I remember that Jennifer had to Windex her entire room EVERY morning. They had a room that we couldn't go into because our footprints would ruin the sunburst pattern that the vacuum had made in the carpet. They were so clean. They showered all the time. She always had a boyfriend and it was usually the boy that I was secretly in love with. I used to sing in the shower, "I wish that I had Jenny's boy" to the tune of "Jesse's Girl". It was pathetic. I was the best friend with the "great personality". I hated that.

My parents and I moved to Haiti during my freshman year in high school and by my sophomore year I had another best friend. Another Jennifer. We learned to drive in Port-au-Prince and so we faced death together each and every time we left the house. There was no drinking age so Bartles and Jaymes became our boyfriends. And we would lay on her roof, slathered in baby oil listening to Brian Adams "Cuts Like a Knife" album. Good Times.

My senior year I met Kathy at boarding school in Asheville, NC. She was so much fun. She was a good girl and I appreciated that. She and I would stay up late studying and doing silly experiments like seeing if you could actually light a fart on fire. (You can) She would bring me a snickers bar when I was down and I would get her inhaler for her when she quit breathing. We made up silly words and listened to prohibited rock music. We live close enough now that we can meet half-way for lunch and get to know each other's children. It's so cool.

Next came Sue. Her nick name was "Sue-bee Doo-bee", for the same reason that the Doobie Brothers are the Doobie Brothers. (Hint: Their last names are not Doobie and they're not brothers) I was feeling pretty lonely, pretty desperate for some fun and extremely sick of the church youth group scene. So, one night I told her that I wanted her to teach me to drink beer. She told me that I had to take three gulps at a time and I would feel the effects in no time. (It works) She was hilarious and very sweet, extremely loyal. I think she was searching for God and I was running away from Him and I have a lot of regrets about that. I think that He could have used me in her life and I was unwilling. I'm sorry.

My parents got really peeved with me...my grades, my behavior, my lack of spiritual maturity so they made me choose a college with "Bible" in the name. It couldn't just be a Christian Liberal Arts school, it had to be a Bible school. So I chose Columbia BIBLE College for one reason only. Kathy was there and she agreed to room with me...her troubled friend. Two great things happened in that one year of hell: More time with Kathy and meeting my best friend for life, Ben.

This brings me to my current friendship roster. After Ben and I got married and moved to Denver I met two young women who would define friendship for me and for whom I am writing this particular post...Candace and Krista.

We were all very young, with babies and the deep desire for true and honest relationships. We started a play group and talked. And talked. And talked. We never really DID anything, except wipe poopy bottoms and answer the door for pizza delivery. Krista and I would meet at the park and it was as if we had telepathically decided who would pick up the Starbucks. My marriage was in the toilet for most of those years and those girlies were AWESOME in the middle of all my crap! They prayed for Ben when I was too pissed off or heartbroken or hopeless. Some friends just can't stand the husband, but they really truly saw him for the man that I had married. They saw him like God saw him and they stuck by him, just like they stuck by me with all my fears and flesh patterns and weirdness.

They were there when I had Anna Grace, in the room cheering me on. It was a party. I got to be there for each of them when they gave birth too. We love each other's children. We discipline each other's children. And if anything ever happens to me all three of mine want to go to Candace (She's got candy and Krista's too strict.). They are the moms that I prayed my children would run to, if they ever ran away.

They are the friends who truly rejoice in my gifts and challenge me to use them. They don't compare themselves to me, making me feel less than or more than. They have been able to look me in the eyes and tell me the really hard things, things that might have completely broken me if it hadn't come from their particular lips. They tell me the truth.

We live 2,000 miles apart now. It sucks. I hear their voices in my head when I shop and people think I'm crazy (and incredibly snotty) when I say out loud, "I would look GREAT in this." I can't help it...some one's got to speak that truth. My new porch swing makes my heart ache because it is the spot that waits for them to come and sit a spell. Candace sends her Jacob to his first day of school tomorrow and I should be there, waiting on her front porch when she comes sniffling up the walk. Krista and I should be spending the first day of school at an outdoor table drinking Starbucks and enjoying the quiet. But life is like that. You enjoy the people He gives you and you miss them when they're gone and you look forward to the little gifts of time spent with them that you'll get every now and then.

So now I will say something completely cheesy...like, "you'll be in my heart forever" or "you're the wind beneath my wings" or "did you know that you can actually light a fart on fire?"