Applause

I work for it every day. I want someone to tell me that I'm doing a good job. I want my boss, Kelly, to recognize me for being a hard worker and an effective salesperson. I want my children to tell me how great I am at helping with homework, or taxiing them around town or giving them wise counsel. I want Ben to appreciate the things I do around the house and/or how sexy I am. I want my small group to think I'm the hostess with the most-est. I want my friends to know that I'm trust-worthy and funny and painfully honest. I want my writer/brother-in-law to approve of how I string words together to form smart witty sentences. Even in writing this I'm looking for applause. I want a prize.

You know the phrase, "Bring your best to Jesus"? Maybe you've heard it in reference to how you dress on Sunday mornings. Maybe it's more about behavior for you. Maybe it's been taught to you like it's about tithing your 10%. Your first fruits. What does it really mean? What does my best look like? Does he really see my beautiful Sunday dress or my patience with mankind or my sacrificial giving and think, "Wow. That Michelle sure is doing a good job bringing me her best!" Do I really think that those things bring me favor with God? Can I actually fool Jesus into believing that just maybe my best might be bordering on possibly being enough? Are chances good that I can bring him something pure enough to truly please him? On my own?

I think we might be convincing each other that we can work towards this lofty goal. And I'm nervous about it.

I was watching The Simpsons with Emma and Caleb the other day and Homer had died and gone to heaven. St. Peter told him he had 24 hours to do one selfless act of kindness to get through the pearly gates. I turned to Caleb, opened my mouth, but before I could even get it out he turned to me and said, "MOM...I KNOW! You don't have to be good to get in to heaven." I have worked hard to pound this truth into their heads. Because if you can be good enough then what's the deal with the cross?

Sue, my Bible Study teacher, speaks this truth every single week. We talk about nothing else. Only the truth of the Gospel. We have no alliteration, no 5-steps to clean living, nothing but Jesus on the cross. Jesus plus nothing. She mentioned the patriarchs yesterday. You know...Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. She was wondering aloud about how in the world we could get a book of virtues from their lives' examples. "Talk about an elephant in the room!" Rape, murder, thieving, polygamy, lying. Their lives were fodder for today's trashy reality tv. We make excuses for them and then focus on the things they did right. The one time out of ten when they "brought their best to God." It's ridiculous. Nauseating. Mind-blowing. I'm quite upset.

We either need Jesus or we need the five step program. We can't need both.

But...but...but...but...but I need practical steps for godly living. I need some forward momentum to get moving in the right direction. Which is forward. I need something logical that I can really follow, so I know that I'm bringing my best to Jesus. So that I can feel good about it. So that Jesus can feel good about me.

WHAT???

He did not come for the healthy, but for the sick and dying. He didn't come for the ones who refused to recognize their own need. He came for the ones who were so needy that people turned away in disgust. He came to free the captives and bring light to those living in darkness. He came to bind up their wounds, our wounds. He didn't come for the ones who think that all they need is the five steps and then they can walk the path on their own. He came for the ones who cannot navigate this life. The ones who stumble and fall and who lay there waiting for someone to pick them up. Waiting for the kind of love that heals and changes from the inside out.

We can definitely continue to bring Jesus our best. And I'm sure I will. Because I'm human and I want to present the best possible version of me. But it earns me nothing. No applause. No merit. No favor. And the only one I'm fooling is myself. And even then I'm not terribly convincing.